No Experience

I still am yet to have an experience with God. I cannot logically think of a way in which I will be satisfied with God. Some have said that I am trying to put God into a box. Perhaps so, although that it not what I am directly aiming at. And if I am putting God in a box, are those people supposing that God is somehow bound by my rules? I do not think so. I think they are all well meaning people who love their God dearly. I am reminded now of the apostle Paul. Go back a few years before that, and we have Saul. He was vicious and opposed Christianity radically. He defied the Christians, and held back nothing when it came to punishing and persecuting them. Yet, despite all these things, all this 'evil', God appeared to him in a vision and he became one of the greatest apostles ever. And I believe that if God reveals himself to such a person as Paul, then there is no reason why he can't do the same for me. I might seem to put him in a box, and think I understand everything about him, but all of you who believe in such a big God should remember that I am a mere man. I might be questioning God, but if he is real, then he is bigger than me. No argument there. God just is. He is by nature. If he is not bigger than me, then I am God, and I tell you in honesty, I am definitely not God.

So I pray daily for God. I pray for a revelation, a revival and a rescue. Like Psalm 42, I cry out for God. I know not where this journey ends, I can only say where this road ends. That is what life is like. Our journey is what we make it, and we can change roads as often as we desire. The road I am on leads to abandoning the Christian God and abandoning Jesus. I only hope that if God is real then he picks me up before it's too late.

"God, change my desire and my will. Rescue my heart and my mind, and capture the affection of all of my scattered desires. I am smaller than you, I openly admit this. Take it as praise or a declaration of who you are. I know many things of you, but I cannot say that I know you. A husband knows his wife intimately, Jesus know me as a husband knows his wife!"