The Latest

So lately life is going quite strange. As for everything below this post, let me sum it up. I was walking home last week and I asked myself; "do I believe in God?", and I could not seriously answer it. I could not comfortably answer yes or no. Very soon I believe I will be answering no.

But now. I have things going on which I am not used to. One girl is frustrating me because I can't get her. I'll move on soon because I know that I get bored quickly, but its interesting all the same.

I feel overwhelmed. I suppose I am happy but I am not happy as I have been. It's coming back. But right now, I must learn something.

I came on here with so much to say. But now I'm here and my words are lost. I don't know what to say.

Cravings....

I have not written much of late, but today I feel like it and my mind desires to speak.

I find myself craving something more than this world can offer. It is a craving which cannot be seemingly satisfied but earthly things, at least that is what I feel now. Even with all the evidence for or against God, I still remain distant from him. There is an abundance of 'proof' for God, just talk to a knowledgeable Christian. However, all the proof in the world does not make God real. Let me repeat that, all the proof in the world DOES NOT make god real. Of course, you say it does. First, let me tell you why I am at this conclusion.

I cannot feel God. I cannot touch him. I cannot see, hear or taste him. I have emotions like every, single other human being. I have physical senses just like every human being. Despite all this, I cannot reason that God is absolutely there.

Why?

If all a Christian is, is someone who believes that God is real based on facts, then I do not want to be a Christian. In fact, most of the bible does not preach this anyway. David, the man after God's own heart, was someone who enjoyed close intimacy with the creator of heaven and earth. He had faith? Of course! How about Saul? He fought against Christians, killing and persecuting them, trying to do the very best he could to stamp this new religion out. He had no faith in the Christian god whatsoever, he despised him. However, without faith and righteousness, God met Saul! He changed his name to Paul and became one of the greatest disciples who ever lived.

Where is that God?

Yes faith is integral. But God can work without faith. He does, and always has and will. I do not desire a God who spoke last through a book and speaks no more. I want to follow a God who speaks to his people now. I want a God who I enjoy the way a wife enjoys her husband. I was to 'taste and see that the Lord is good'. Yet so far, I am yet to taste him. I have had experiences. But, all they might be is an emotion or a thought. It's almost as if there is a psychological equation which if followed will result in someone becoming a Christian.

Maybe I am being extremely cynical. I do not think so.

I think that God would delight in blowing his people's minds. All my reasoning and arguements against him. Everything here which you can read. Everything here is my personal journey. I CANNOT CORNER GOD! To suggest that I have, would be to suggest that he is not really God. This all-consuming deity should be able to constantly evade my thought and blow me away.

That is what I want!

All I am finding at the moment is that people have a need which can be satisfied in religion. Be it Christianity, Islam or atheism. Either way, something drives them to pursue something. I am doubting evermore the existence of this everlasting God.

'Come to me now, Oh Lord. I am sick with doubt and fear. I struggle in the mud of my thoughts. I am about to be consumed by them. Please protect me. Please lift me up. Please Oh gracious God, OPEN MY EYES! How long must I wrestle with my thoughts? How long must I be divided? Come to me now oh faithful Yahweh. I am lost without you. Give me just a simple taste. Just an entrée, just a foretaste of what is to come. Satisfy my desires in this scorched place! Be the centre of my affections. BE MY GOD!!'

Disprove God?

I am not trying to disprove God.

Do not misinterpret or misunderstand me.

I am not trying to prove God is wrong, doesn't exist or is not truly God.

God is bigger than everything I can say here. He is bigger than my doubts, fears and insecurities. He is bigger than me, and bigger than every Christian, every atheist, every sinner, every Hindu, every Muslim, every homosexual, every baby. every teenager, every pastor, every politician. Basically, he is bigger than everything. And his plans are done. I cannot change or thwart his plans, let alone his mind.

This is my journey, and my walk. I must follow this and search these questions out. If God is there, then he will find me.

Thank you for listening. Have a nice night!

Fluid...

People are so fluid. They are changing all the time, in more ways than they will admit. The more I hang out with church people, the more I see how subjective it is. Everyone talks about this opening of their eyes, but it's only from their perspective.

We asked if they have heard God speak to them, people will often respond with umms and ahhs, and a select few will reply, "YES HE HAS"! What happens then, when they are all followers of the 'same' God, and attendees of the same church, but have differing 'revelations' about what God wants for them and for their church? Does the church split? Does it look for the common good?

I do not have an answer. Do not come to me, asking me for the answer to these questions. I ask to challenge and expand our minds. I cannot give you the answer, you have to find it for yourself. If I tried to give you an answer, I would be insulting your intelligence. I openly and enthusiastically encourage all reading this: USE YOUR OWN MIND AND MAKE YOUR OWN DECISION!

Christianity is a perfect religion. Once you believe, if you were to follow by practice, every teaching of the bible, then you would never fall. Every time you fell into doubt and disbelief, a verse would come and give you hope in the God you believe in. However, when looking at Christianity outside of the bible, it becomes an idea. It is a set of rules, or a philosophy, or a religion, or a practice, or an art, or a belief system.

What ever happened to God?

We have a book. Some words, remarkably profound I will admit, but as for God himself, where is he? People talk of experiences and visions and dreams and so many more supernatural experiences. Maybe they're becoming a victim of their human senses. Their mind is creating an experience so powerful that is fosters a belief which is strong enough to send people to their death with lights dancing in their eyes!

Strip it all back. Take out the bible, take out faith, hope, belief; take out anything which would hinder or otherwise persuade our 'clear' thinking.

When Saul met God, he did not believe in Jesus, he did not have faith in Jesus, nor faith, nor love for Jesus. Yet Jesus met him. God met him! So then, we do not need any faith, or hope or belief in any God or any supernatural being for God to be real.

If God is real, then he is.

My only desire is that you open your mind as you journey with 'God'. He may or may not be there. I have not experienced him. I wonder why I haven't, and why I no longer believe I have met God personally.

Big ideas. The mind is more powerful than you can imagine.

Authentic Experience

What is an authentic experience of God?

Many religious followers around the globe claim that they have had an authentic experience of God. However, there are thousands of religions with thousands of different God's. Surely, the experience's can't all be the same? If none of those people are lying, then every one of those God's is real at the same time, or there might be only one God, but who reveals different things to different people. It seems quite foolish to assume that there are thousands of different God's existing at the same time. To show how this is folly, we must decide upon what we mean by God.

God; the supernatural being conceived as the perfect and omnipotent and omniscient originator and ruler of the universe.

Omnipotent being having all power; unlimited power.
Omniscient being all knowing; knowing all that has happened, is happening and will happen.

There can only be one being with those qualities. If there were two, then they would cease to have all power for the would not be able to control each other. If placed on a hierarchy, this being would be at the top, second to none and certainly not equal to any either. So I am taking the perspective that God is the God of Gods, and the Lord of Lords. There is none equal.

If there is none to be equal, then there can only be one God. Only one religion is true, or none of them are. Only one God is real, or none of them are. And if there be only one God, then there can be only on true, authentic experience of God. And if only one, true experience of God, then most people who claim this experience are lying. Only one group of them is true. Only one experience is authentic. All other experiences are second to it, and might be of a demon, angel, or any number of human emotions and feelings rolled into one.

I suppose that this is true, but only from a Christian perspective. Why do I say perspective? I say it because I now believe that anything can be argued well depending on which perspective you take. Using the bible, if you take it as the inerrant word of God, and act on it as so, then you will never fall. It is a logical impossibility. And to all you who say, "God told us to have faith. Stop trying to reason God out"! I reply, learn to think like a rational human being and use your God-given gift of thought. Too many people just accept everything they hear, and pay no attention to the truth. What is truth you ask? A bigger topic than is here.

I might of experienced God. I just might of.

Many people around the world would claim with absolute certainty that God is real and they have experienced him. But what exactly is this experience of God?

He created money, ambition, hearts, sex, orgasms, and many more enjoyable things. But if he is the source, then it only makes sense to assume that however great money, ambition or an orgasm is, God is greater!

Psalm 16:11 - In your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

Fullness of joy? Pleasures forevermore? This is really crazy stuff to all those who haven't experienced this. I haven't. I have felt good when reading the bible, and enjoyed praying, but as for meeting God himself, I have not. 'In your presence', means that now we can experience it. This is too all those who say that we cannot feel it yet. We can! At least the Psalmist says so here.

And if God is not greater than his created world offers, then this God is not a god at all.

No Experience

I still am yet to have an experience with God. I cannot logically think of a way in which I will be satisfied with God. Some have said that I am trying to put God into a box. Perhaps so, although that it not what I am directly aiming at. And if I am putting God in a box, are those people supposing that God is somehow bound by my rules? I do not think so. I think they are all well meaning people who love their God dearly. I am reminded now of the apostle Paul. Go back a few years before that, and we have Saul. He was vicious and opposed Christianity radically. He defied the Christians, and held back nothing when it came to punishing and persecuting them. Yet, despite all these things, all this 'evil', God appeared to him in a vision and he became one of the greatest apostles ever. And I believe that if God reveals himself to such a person as Paul, then there is no reason why he can't do the same for me. I might seem to put him in a box, and think I understand everything about him, but all of you who believe in such a big God should remember that I am a mere man. I might be questioning God, but if he is real, then he is bigger than me. No argument there. God just is. He is by nature. If he is not bigger than me, then I am God, and I tell you in honesty, I am definitely not God.

So I pray daily for God. I pray for a revelation, a revival and a rescue. Like Psalm 42, I cry out for God. I know not where this journey ends, I can only say where this road ends. That is what life is like. Our journey is what we make it, and we can change roads as often as we desire. The road I am on leads to abandoning the Christian God and abandoning Jesus. I only hope that if God is real then he picks me up before it's too late.

"God, change my desire and my will. Rescue my heart and my mind, and capture the affection of all of my scattered desires. I am smaller than you, I openly admit this. Take it as praise or a declaration of who you are. I know many things of you, but I cannot say that I know you. A husband knows his wife intimately, Jesus know me as a husband knows his wife!"

Perspective, Free Will and Other Things...

It is hard to decide what to believe. I cannot run from the absolute truth, for at some point I return to a belief. If I abandon religion, then my absolute is found in something else. If the Christian God is not my god, then something else rises to his position. It might be money, or ambition, or sex, or something material. It might be emotion. It might be death. It might be murder. It might be power. Either way at some point all human beings come back to an absolute truth.

I remember a time when I was so strong in my faith. I felt like I would never doubt, never disbelieve.

Anyone can argue any point. You can argue any side of any argument. If you are good with words, then you will likely win, depending of course on your opponent. I have found people who are wonderful at describing Christianity in a persuasive way. They have a way with words which soothes your mind and makes you feel as though you would never question their words. I have also met people who fight for atheism and against Christianity. They speak with passion and zeal. They are also very persuasive and are able to swing your mind in favour of atheism. But perhaps this is only so of a weak mind. But what is there in stubbornness and refusal to question what you believe in? What value is there in refusal to look around and ask yourself, "Is this really true"?

I'm not exactly sure, even by the bible what is right for me to do in the area of questioning. At what point do I choose to just believe? When do I just run the race looking towards the goal, and when do I look around and check that I am running the right race, or even if there if a race at all?

Why have thousands of people given their lives for Christianity? Why have they sacrificed themselves to torture, pain and death, all for the sake of something which might not really be true? The answer is their belief. They believed it to be true, and therefore they found in it a worthy cause to die for. It does not take the truth to be willing to die, only an unshakeable faith that what you believe is the absolute truth. It's really going to suck if you're wrong. What if the martyrs are all wrong? What if God doesn't exist at all, and they gave their lives for nothing? What meaning is there in this?

Imagine a supreme, sovereign and saving God. He is all-knowing and holds all power. He holds the world in his hands, and creates the starts with nothing so much as a whisper. With his eyes he sees the entire human race, and all time. He cannot take risks, for he knows the outcome of every equation. He cannot fail, and his plans cannot go wrong. If God is all-knowing then it is logically impossible for him to take a risk or chance. He predestines and chooses by default. The world is according to his supreme plan and nothing else. He created us, and we cannot change his mind. Of course, sometimes it seems like we have changed his mind. There are various times in the bible in which someone has prayed, and 'changed' God's mind. But assuming that God is all-knowing, then we must assume that he knew that this person would pray. He knew the words they would use, the tone of their voice, their posture, their sin, their state of mind, the clothes they were wearing, their breathing rate, etc. He knew all this even before the world was created. He knew it before man had breathed a single breath, and yet he continued creating the world, therefore manifesting, predestining what would happen. So really, when we look at everything from the perspective of an all-knowing God, then we can never change God's mind.

It all comes back to perspective. From a certain perspective, Christianity makes complete sense, and it seems like we could never doubt it. From another perspective, God seems abhorrent and non-existent. Perspective can enable you to see God's sovereignty in human will, or instead it can lead you to see complete free will everywhere.

Free will doesn't exist. It can't. It exists only in the sense that we can choose one thing over another. For example, I can choose to drink a glass of water, or a glass or milk. But the real revelation of whether free will exists or not, is found in the question, "What makes us choose the glass of water, over the glass of milk"?

Such a simple question, and at first thought it looks to be easily answered. But think again. We make more complicated decisions than water and milk every single day. Free will is an illusion. The reason we think it exists is because it is such a strong illusion, and so apparent. But ask yourself, why do I desire anything? What is the reason for your desire?

Anyway this is a topic which goes far beyond a few rants. I am tired and need to hit up some sleep and I will return another time on another day. Good day!