I still am yet to have an experience with God. I cannot logically think of a way in which I will be satisfied with God. Some have said that I am trying to put God into a box. Perhaps so, although that it not what I am directly aiming at. And if I am putting God in a box, are those people supposing that God is somehow bound by my rules? I do not think so. I think they are all well meaning people who love their God dearly. I am reminded now of the apostle Paul. Go back a few years before that, and we have Saul. He was vicious and opposed Christianity radically. He defied the Christians, and held back nothing when it came to punishing and persecuting them. Yet, despite all these things, all this 'evil', God appeared to him in a vision and he became one of the greatest apostles ever. And I believe that if God reveals himself to such a person as Paul, then there is no reason why he can't do the same for me. I might seem to put him in a box, and think I understand everything about him, but all of you who believe in such a big God should remember that I am a mere man. I might be questioning God, but if he is real, then he is bigger than me. No argument there. God just is. He is by nature. If he is not bigger than me, then I am God, and I tell you in honesty, I am definitely not God.
So I pray daily for God. I pray for a revelation, a revival and a rescue. Like Psalm 42, I cry out for God. I know not where this journey ends, I can only say where this road ends. That is what life is like. Our journey is what we make it, and we can change roads as often as we desire. The road I am on leads to abandoning the Christian God and abandoning Jesus. I only hope that if God is real then he picks me up before it's too late.
"God, change my desire and my will. Rescue my heart and my mind, and capture the affection of all of my scattered desires. I am smaller than you, I openly admit this. Take it as praise or a declaration of who you are. I know many things of you, but I cannot say that I know you. A husband knows his wife intimately, Jesus know me as a husband knows his wife!"
Monday, April 30, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Perspective, Free Will and Other Things...
It is hard to decide what to believe. I cannot run from the absolute truth, for at some point I return to a belief. If I abandon religion, then my absolute is found in something else. If the Christian God is not my god, then something else rises to his position. It might be money, or ambition, or sex, or something material. It might be emotion. It might be death. It might be murder. It might be power. Either way at some point all human beings come back to an absolute truth.
I remember a time when I was so strong in my faith. I felt like I would never doubt, never disbelieve.
Anyone can argue any point. You can argue any side of any argument. If you are good with words, then you will likely win, depending of course on your opponent. I have found people who are wonderful at describing Christianity in a persuasive way. They have a way with words which soothes your mind and makes you feel as though you would never question their words. I have also met people who fight for atheism and against Christianity. They speak with passion and zeal. They are also very persuasive and are able to swing your mind in favour of atheism. But perhaps this is only so of a weak mind. But what is there in stubbornness and refusal to question what you believe in? What value is there in refusal to look around and ask yourself, "Is this really true"?
I'm not exactly sure, even by the bible what is right for me to do in the area of questioning. At what point do I choose to just believe? When do I just run the race looking towards the goal, and when do I look around and check that I am running the right race, or even if there if a race at all?
Why have thousands of people given their lives for Christianity? Why have they sacrificed themselves to torture, pain and death, all for the sake of something which might not really be true? The answer is their belief. They believed it to be true, and therefore they found in it a worthy cause to die for. It does not take the truth to be willing to die, only an unshakeable faith that what you believe is the absolute truth. It's really going to suck if you're wrong. What if the martyrs are all wrong? What if God doesn't exist at all, and they gave their lives for nothing? What meaning is there in this?
Imagine a supreme, sovereign and saving God. He is all-knowing and holds all power. He holds the world in his hands, and creates the starts with nothing so much as a whisper. With his eyes he sees the entire human race, and all time. He cannot take risks, for he knows the outcome of every equation. He cannot fail, and his plans cannot go wrong. If God is all-knowing then it is logically impossible for him to take a risk or chance. He predestines and chooses by default. The world is according to his supreme plan and nothing else. He created us, and we cannot change his mind. Of course, sometimes it seems like we have changed his mind. There are various times in the bible in which someone has prayed, and 'changed' God's mind. But assuming that God is all-knowing, then we must assume that he knew that this person would pray. He knew the words they would use, the tone of their voice, their posture, their sin, their state of mind, the clothes they were wearing, their breathing rate, etc. He knew all this even before the world was created. He knew it before man had breathed a single breath, and yet he continued creating the world, therefore manifesting, predestining what would happen. So really, when we look at everything from the perspective of an all-knowing God, then we can never change God's mind.
It all comes back to perspective. From a certain perspective, Christianity makes complete sense, and it seems like we could never doubt it. From another perspective, God seems abhorrent and non-existent. Perspective can enable you to see God's sovereignty in human will, or instead it can lead you to see complete free will everywhere.
Free will doesn't exist. It can't. It exists only in the sense that we can choose one thing over another. For example, I can choose to drink a glass of water, or a glass or milk. But the real revelation of whether free will exists or not, is found in the question, "What makes us choose the glass of water, over the glass of milk"?
Such a simple question, and at first thought it looks to be easily answered. But think again. We make more complicated decisions than water and milk every single day. Free will is an illusion. The reason we think it exists is because it is such a strong illusion, and so apparent. But ask yourself, why do I desire anything? What is the reason for your desire?
Anyway this is a topic which goes far beyond a few rants. I am tired and need to hit up some sleep and I will return another time on another day. Good day!
I remember a time when I was so strong in my faith. I felt like I would never doubt, never disbelieve.
Anyone can argue any point. You can argue any side of any argument. If you are good with words, then you will likely win, depending of course on your opponent. I have found people who are wonderful at describing Christianity in a persuasive way. They have a way with words which soothes your mind and makes you feel as though you would never question their words. I have also met people who fight for atheism and against Christianity. They speak with passion and zeal. They are also very persuasive and are able to swing your mind in favour of atheism. But perhaps this is only so of a weak mind. But what is there in stubbornness and refusal to question what you believe in? What value is there in refusal to look around and ask yourself, "Is this really true"?
I'm not exactly sure, even by the bible what is right for me to do in the area of questioning. At what point do I choose to just believe? When do I just run the race looking towards the goal, and when do I look around and check that I am running the right race, or even if there if a race at all?
Why have thousands of people given their lives for Christianity? Why have they sacrificed themselves to torture, pain and death, all for the sake of something which might not really be true? The answer is their belief. They believed it to be true, and therefore they found in it a worthy cause to die for. It does not take the truth to be willing to die, only an unshakeable faith that what you believe is the absolute truth. It's really going to suck if you're wrong. What if the martyrs are all wrong? What if God doesn't exist at all, and they gave their lives for nothing? What meaning is there in this?
Imagine a supreme, sovereign and saving God. He is all-knowing and holds all power. He holds the world in his hands, and creates the starts with nothing so much as a whisper. With his eyes he sees the entire human race, and all time. He cannot take risks, for he knows the outcome of every equation. He cannot fail, and his plans cannot go wrong. If God is all-knowing then it is logically impossible for him to take a risk or chance. He predestines and chooses by default. The world is according to his supreme plan and nothing else. He created us, and we cannot change his mind. Of course, sometimes it seems like we have changed his mind. There are various times in the bible in which someone has prayed, and 'changed' God's mind. But assuming that God is all-knowing, then we must assume that he knew that this person would pray. He knew the words they would use, the tone of their voice, their posture, their sin, their state of mind, the clothes they were wearing, their breathing rate, etc. He knew all this even before the world was created. He knew it before man had breathed a single breath, and yet he continued creating the world, therefore manifesting, predestining what would happen. So really, when we look at everything from the perspective of an all-knowing God, then we can never change God's mind.
It all comes back to perspective. From a certain perspective, Christianity makes complete sense, and it seems like we could never doubt it. From another perspective, God seems abhorrent and non-existent. Perspective can enable you to see God's sovereignty in human will, or instead it can lead you to see complete free will everywhere.
Free will doesn't exist. It can't. It exists only in the sense that we can choose one thing over another. For example, I can choose to drink a glass of water, or a glass or milk. But the real revelation of whether free will exists or not, is found in the question, "What makes us choose the glass of water, over the glass of milk"?
Such a simple question, and at first thought it looks to be easily answered. But think again. We make more complicated decisions than water and milk every single day. Free will is an illusion. The reason we think it exists is because it is such a strong illusion, and so apparent. But ask yourself, why do I desire anything? What is the reason for your desire?
Anyway this is a topic which goes far beyond a few rants. I am tired and need to hit up some sleep and I will return another time on another day. Good day!
God and Truth
What is truth?
Does it even exist, or can it exist?
We live in a world of post-modern thought. It is a world of continuous change, in which everyone is free for the most part to choose what they believe in. Religion, not as a law but as a faith, is questioned because it steps outside the boundaries of the physical reality. We can't see any God. We can't feel Him. At least, I know I can't and although a Christian for a number of years, I cannot honestly say I have met God. Some people say they have met him and seen him. This is a funny concept though, and often people refer to personal revelation. This idea is nothing to evidence for God. What about Mohammed's personal revelation? What about Buddha's personal revelation? Surely, not everyone is right.
'I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me.' John 14:6
A verse from the Christian bible. As you can see, Christians in their faith claim an absolute God, and also that He is the only way to heaven. Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and every other faith is worthless.
If it is all personal revelation, then everyone is right? For how can one person claim his revelation is more true than another's; it is all personal. Personal is relative to the individual. Someone feels sad personally, while another feels happy. Someone is 12 and another 57. For this reason I dismiss personal revelation as evidence of God. This means testimonies and anything else of the sort. Of course, I do not doubt that personal revelations exist, I am questioning their authority on absolute truth.
It feels good to have someone pray for you. I went down the front at church a few weeks ago so someone would pray with me and I do not deny that it felt good. I felt good and loved, and with a sense of purpose and destiny. This however is so evidence of God; no evidence that he is sitting and watching us.
Christianity is so simple to defend. Christians quickly jump to defend their faith if possible. They list the reasons for it being true and factual. They argue that it is more believable than atheism. They say that it makes sense. However as soon as someone asks a question which cannot be answered, Christians will say that God works in mysterious ways. Christians will quote a verse which says that the cross is foolishness to the world. Or many simply just say faith. It takes faith to believe in it. Why? If they reason they will, but if they can't they have a verse. If its reasonable, good! If not, believe with faith. And if doubts rise and questions remain unanswered, then people are told that they must wait till the end of time to find out, or that it is the enemy (devil), or that is sin (the flesh). There is always a scapegoat.
God works in mysterious ways. How funny! Well I understand that if he was true and God existed, then he would most certainly work in ways which I would not understand and therefore mysterious. But it seems more of a thing to cling to when things cannot be explained. You cannot argue with a Christian who says that it just takes faith. Whatever argument you could formulate, they would just say faith. Or perhaps they might tell you not to attempt to understand God. Such would be folly!
I find the idea of God fascinating. I never seem to be able to exhaust him. I know God as an idea. I know that this God would be omnipotent, and omniscient. I know that he would have a plan for the world. I know that he would have a reason for creating the world. I know that nothing would surprise him. I know that nothing would change his mind, not even the prayer of a human. I know that he cannot take risks. If you disagree with me, please talk. I will clearly show you reasons for why I believe what I do of God. If any of the above is shown to be false, then I will never resolve to believe in God. If God were one unlike to the things described above, he is not God. If he does not know everything then he is God. If he does not hold all power, then he is not God. I can go on, but for now I leave it at that.
I still call myself a Christian but my faith is wavering. It is lessening. I have not met God. There are many more thing I believe of God, and if you care to discuss them with me, please talk. None of this is easy thinking, and I am not trying to persuade anyone from their faith. I do not claim that I know the truth, nor that it is close to absolute. There are thousands more thoughts running through my mind on the topic of God which someday I hope to write down. What I have written here feels small; a little tear falling.
I have been thinking this way for some time. And as I continue I am becoming less assured of God. The only thing which I feel can change me now is God himself. Only an encounter with the God of the universe could persuade me now. At least, that is what I think right now. I have no idea how God could meet me in a way which was not relative and personal to me. I cannot logically think of a way in which I could meet God and it not going beyond the rules of reasonable thought. Perhaps one day, he will meet me. Maybe western religion is weak and poor, with little passion and zeal for God. Maybe this is what I need. But I need more than an emotion. I need more than a nice feeling, and more than things to think about. I need God himself.
In the bible, it says that marriage between a man and a woman is representative of God's relationship with his church. The groom is Jesus. The bride is the church. What sort of husband or groom is the man that does not live with his wife? He leaves her a book telling her how he wants her to live, and every now and then she gets a card from him, but other than that never sees him again. What a terrible husband! Yet this is how I feel right now in relation to God. I feel as though he has left me only a book. Every now and then I get a card from him, that is a word or an answer to prayer. This is stupid. It is pointless and a worthless pursuit of morals. I can never be perfect by Christianity or ever hope to attain perfection. And if not that, then why can't I see, hear, touch, taste or God? I want a relationship with God, in likeness to the relationship that a loving husband and wife share. This is what Christianity preaches, and if I am to continue to be a follower this is what I must have.
I must have God himself. I cannot resist God. I cannot hide from him, outsmart him or out think him. He will always come out on top, in front and first. If so, then God will find me. He will meet me. He will touch me and speak to me. I wait for this day. I hope that he comes to me before I am dead.
Does it even exist, or can it exist?
We live in a world of post-modern thought. It is a world of continuous change, in which everyone is free for the most part to choose what they believe in. Religion, not as a law but as a faith, is questioned because it steps outside the boundaries of the physical reality. We can't see any God. We can't feel Him. At least, I know I can't and although a Christian for a number of years, I cannot honestly say I have met God. Some people say they have met him and seen him. This is a funny concept though, and often people refer to personal revelation. This idea is nothing to evidence for God. What about Mohammed's personal revelation? What about Buddha's personal revelation? Surely, not everyone is right.
'I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the father except through me.' John 14:6
A verse from the Christian bible. As you can see, Christians in their faith claim an absolute God, and also that He is the only way to heaven. Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, and every other faith is worthless.
If it is all personal revelation, then everyone is right? For how can one person claim his revelation is more true than another's; it is all personal. Personal is relative to the individual. Someone feels sad personally, while another feels happy. Someone is 12 and another 57. For this reason I dismiss personal revelation as evidence of God. This means testimonies and anything else of the sort. Of course, I do not doubt that personal revelations exist, I am questioning their authority on absolute truth.
It feels good to have someone pray for you. I went down the front at church a few weeks ago so someone would pray with me and I do not deny that it felt good. I felt good and loved, and with a sense of purpose and destiny. This however is so evidence of God; no evidence that he is sitting and watching us.
Christianity is so simple to defend. Christians quickly jump to defend their faith if possible. They list the reasons for it being true and factual. They argue that it is more believable than atheism. They say that it makes sense. However as soon as someone asks a question which cannot be answered, Christians will say that God works in mysterious ways. Christians will quote a verse which says that the cross is foolishness to the world. Or many simply just say faith. It takes faith to believe in it. Why? If they reason they will, but if they can't they have a verse. If its reasonable, good! If not, believe with faith. And if doubts rise and questions remain unanswered, then people are told that they must wait till the end of time to find out, or that it is the enemy (devil), or that is sin (the flesh). There is always a scapegoat.
God works in mysterious ways. How funny! Well I understand that if he was true and God existed, then he would most certainly work in ways which I would not understand and therefore mysterious. But it seems more of a thing to cling to when things cannot be explained. You cannot argue with a Christian who says that it just takes faith. Whatever argument you could formulate, they would just say faith. Or perhaps they might tell you not to attempt to understand God. Such would be folly!
I find the idea of God fascinating. I never seem to be able to exhaust him. I know God as an idea. I know that this God would be omnipotent, and omniscient. I know that he would have a plan for the world. I know that he would have a reason for creating the world. I know that nothing would surprise him. I know that nothing would change his mind, not even the prayer of a human. I know that he cannot take risks. If you disagree with me, please talk. I will clearly show you reasons for why I believe what I do of God. If any of the above is shown to be false, then I will never resolve to believe in God. If God were one unlike to the things described above, he is not God. If he does not know everything then he is God. If he does not hold all power, then he is not God. I can go on, but for now I leave it at that.
I still call myself a Christian but my faith is wavering. It is lessening. I have not met God. There are many more thing I believe of God, and if you care to discuss them with me, please talk. None of this is easy thinking, and I am not trying to persuade anyone from their faith. I do not claim that I know the truth, nor that it is close to absolute. There are thousands more thoughts running through my mind on the topic of God which someday I hope to write down. What I have written here feels small; a little tear falling.
I have been thinking this way for some time. And as I continue I am becoming less assured of God. The only thing which I feel can change me now is God himself. Only an encounter with the God of the universe could persuade me now. At least, that is what I think right now. I have no idea how God could meet me in a way which was not relative and personal to me. I cannot logically think of a way in which I could meet God and it not going beyond the rules of reasonable thought. Perhaps one day, he will meet me. Maybe western religion is weak and poor, with little passion and zeal for God. Maybe this is what I need. But I need more than an emotion. I need more than a nice feeling, and more than things to think about. I need God himself.
In the bible, it says that marriage between a man and a woman is representative of God's relationship with his church. The groom is Jesus. The bride is the church. What sort of husband or groom is the man that does not live with his wife? He leaves her a book telling her how he wants her to live, and every now and then she gets a card from him, but other than that never sees him again. What a terrible husband! Yet this is how I feel right now in relation to God. I feel as though he has left me only a book. Every now and then I get a card from him, that is a word or an answer to prayer. This is stupid. It is pointless and a worthless pursuit of morals. I can never be perfect by Christianity or ever hope to attain perfection. And if not that, then why can't I see, hear, touch, taste or God? I want a relationship with God, in likeness to the relationship that a loving husband and wife share. This is what Christianity preaches, and if I am to continue to be a follower this is what I must have.
I must have God himself. I cannot resist God. I cannot hide from him, outsmart him or out think him. He will always come out on top, in front and first. If so, then God will find me. He will meet me. He will touch me and speak to me. I wait for this day. I hope that he comes to me before I am dead.
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